I'm tired.
I'm tired of this.
I'm tired of this mess, this place, with constant fluctuations and breaking relations, childish games sputtering flames. Love, hatred, anger, fear, joy, peace. Annoyance.
Call me homesick.
Call me what you will.
I want my family. I want my room. I want to be able to talk to people about anything without getting angry at them. I want to go to school somewhere where I don't live. It's a constant school environment here, and I'm tired of it.
I
want
OUT.
It's cruel, to get a brief taste of freedom and then come back to this cage in which they have us locked. This trap of homogeneity, with everyone saying the same things the same way wearing the same clothes and all the same age. I want children around me, I want people over the age of 30 with whom I can have a casual conversation.
I'd like a casual conversation. You know, one where I can say stupid shit without getting attacked for screwing up. Something with a common interest, like, I don't know, anime. Or animals. Books. I'm tired of having to prove myself just to not seem like an idiot. I'm tired of having my opinion contested every time I voice it. I'm tired of agreeing with everybody because they say the most obvious, boring things. "Fine weather today." Well of course I'm going to goddamn agree with you, because it's true! Which is the point of weather talk, isn't it. What if I say, "no, it sucks. I really wish it was fucking -20 and sleeting." Then what? You'd think I was a moron. Give me a chance here. And then I fall into the same habit of finding absolutely nothing to comment on except idiotic, trivial things like the weather. Or complaining, because you can't contest that, especially if it's something you haven't experienced.
I'd like to go fly a kite, too, but there's no chance of that.
In other words, I miss you Sam. I'm tired of this bullshit that they call college where they either talk to you if they like you and you seem "intellectual" and "forward-thinking" enough for them to waste their time with, or they talk to you, don't like you, and as soon as you leave they discuss how annoying or stupid you are.
There is no basis for this. I'm just cranky.
